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tobh's troll cave

tobh said:
yeah, it's been a journey. i can't really say i trust her, because i don't. if she's proven anything she's consistently unreliable in every aspect of her life. but if i tell her exactly what needs done and when, it's a 50/50 she'll get it done, and 30/70 she'll get it done right. last year i was on a video call with her while she did the res top off because she was so nervous. will probably do the same this year.
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You must be a hell of a dude 👊
 
really, the only reason she's here anymore is because i grew up never knowing my biological dad. mom was never home because she was working, basically raised myself. i don't want my son to grow up in either a single parent scenario nor not knowing one of his parents. breaking the cycle, even if it means angrily accepting a lot of things i don't tolerate from anyone else but his mother. i'm old school - word is bond and you do what you say you'll do. if you don't, fuck you, you have no room in my life. i've cut people off over insanely trivial shit, but this situation is all about damage control and ensuring my kids get plenty to eat, plenty of toys, new clothes and whatnot regularly -- basically the childhood i never had. and maybe, at some point, i'll get to have hobbies again once i have their mother trained to the point that she does everything i ask without me micromanaging.

sorry for the vent. it's a thing that's been a problem for a few years but with the laws, and me having a cock, this is the better alternative to paying for her rent while she fucks some dead beat and neglects the kids.
 
tobh said:
really, the only reason she's here anymore is because i grew up never knowing my biological dad. mom was never home because she was working, basically raised myself. i don't want my son to grow up in either a single parent scenario nor not knowing one of his parents. breaking the cycle, even if it means angrily accepting a lot of things i don't tolerate from anyone else but his mother. i'm old school - word is bond and you do what you say you'll do. if you don't, fuck you, you have no room in my life. i've cut people off over insanely trivial shit, but this situation is all about damage control and ensuring my kids get plenty to eat, plenty of toys, new clothes and whatnot regularly -- basically the childhood i never had. and maybe, at some point, i'll get to have hobbies again once i have their mother trained to the point that she does everything i ask without me micromanaging.

sorry for the vent. it's a thing that's been a problem for a few years but with the laws, and me having a cock, this is the better alternative to paying for her rent while she fucks some dead beat and neglects the kids.
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Fuckin' vent brother. No apology needed. Sucks to be in that sort of deal but you're doing right by your kids and that's as respectable as it gets. When I had my daughter I decided it's no longer my life. It's hers.

My only qualms with staying together for the kids is if you're not showing them what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like. Flipside of that coin is, they may see an unhealthy relationship and grow up knowing what they DON'T want.

I guess my point is as long as you're doing what you feel is best for your kids, you're doing it right. Nobody else can say how your kids should be raised and as long as dad loves them, they'll figure it out eventually.
 
GrumpAzz said:
Fuckin' vent brother. No apology needed. Sucks to be in that sort of deal but you're doing right by your kids and that's as respectable as it gets. When I had my daughter I decided it's no longer my life. It's hers.

My only qualms with staying together for the kids is if you're not showing them what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like. Flipside of that coin is, they may see an unhealthy relationship and grow up knowing what they DON'T want.

I guess my point is as long as you're doing what you feel is best for your kids, you're doing it right. Nobody else can say how your kids should be raised and as long as dad loves them, they'll figure it out eventually.
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you nailed it -- the unhealthy relationship thing. that's my biggest fear with my stepdaughter is that she's learning that a man will do literally everything and she can just float by doing nothing. that's the exact opposite i want her to do. i want her to be so independent she terrifies any man that approaches her. whereas my son is learning the man does everything, which i'm somewhat ok with, but i don't want him engaging in this same kind of enabling behavior with toxic partners.

i have some cards up my sleeve i'm sorting out because i'm not 100% and it's not fair to the kids, but I gotta play CYA to get back to 100%.

kids just complicate shit so much man. if it weren't for them, their mother would've been gone five years ago. probably wouldn't remember her name anymore. but, this is the bed i made and i sleep in it every night because that's what a fucking man does. whether a good, bad, or stupid man does is a whole other topic, but it's what a man does.
 
tobh said:
you nailed it -- the unhealthy relationship thing. that's my biggest fear with my stepdaughter is that she's learning that a man will do literally everything and she can just float by doing nothing. that's the exact opposite i want her to do. i want her to be so independent she terrifies any man that approaches her. whereas my son is learning the man does everything, which i'm somewhat ok with, but i don't want him engaging in this same kind of enabling behavior with toxic partners.

i have some cards up my sleeve i'm sorting out because i'm not 100% and it's not fair to the kids, but I gotta play CYA to get back to 100%.

kids just complicate shit so much man. if it weren't for them, their mother would've been gone five years ago. probably wouldn't remember her name anymore. but, this is the bed i made and i sleep in it every night because that's what a fucking man does. whether a good, bad, or stupid man does is a whole other topic, but it's what a man does.
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Right there with ya man. I'm so lucky to have not had kids with my first wife.

You got it, though, dude. Keep your head up and try your best. That's all you can do.
 
GrumpAzz said:
Right there with ya man. I'm so lucky to have not had kids with my first wife.

You got it, though, dude. Keep your head up and try your best. That's all you can do.
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it's all about the smile and nod bud. it's a perfected skill over time. almost like a stint in jail, bite your tongue, mind your business, and wait for freedom.

it's not all bad, and she's not a bad woman. she's just a shitty person that came from shitty circumstances. doesn't know how to grab opportunity when it's right in front of her and take advantage of that. when she's on it, she's a great mom. problem is that's once a month at best. the rest of the time she's either stoned out of her mind or sleeping for days at a time. she can't take feedback or even simple requests without taking them as a personal attack, which leads to an argument -- a cycle i no longer engage in because, ain't nobody got time for that.

i'm sure she is someone's perfect match. just not mine. i want an unattainable woman, someone that's driven and critical of me and could easily do without me. someone that's not here because they have no other option but because they want to be here. someone that inspires and pushes me to do even better. not to toot my own horn, but i've done exceedingly well given my history. and maybe i'm too critical of others as a result. really, it probably is all me and she's a perfect person, my expectations are just too much.
 
tobh said:
i'm sure she is someone's perfect match. just not mine. i want an unattainable woman, someone that's driven and critical of me and could easily do without me. someone that's not here because they have no other option but because they want to be here. someone that inspires and pushes me to do even better. not to toot my own horn, but i've done exceedingly well given my history. and maybe i'm too critical of others as a result. really, it probably is all me and she's a perfect person, my expectations are just too much.
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That last bit made me all watery, man. I need to make sure I tell my lady how much I appreciate her in the morning. She's always up my ass, but for the right reasons.

I don't know if I can give you any encouragement because I'm pretty fortunate with my relationship. Like a rich dude telling a broke dude to just get a better job.

Either way, I feel for ya man and you're hard work and dedication has to pay off. Those kids of yours will grow up and love the shit out of you, man.
 
GrumpAzz said:
That last bit made me all watery, man. I need to make sure I tell my lady how much I appreciate her in the morning. She's always up my ass, but for the right reasons.

I don't know if I can give you any encouragement because I'm pretty fortunate with my relationship. Like a rich dude telling a broke dude to just get a better job.

Either way, I feel for ya man and you're hard work and dedication has to pay off. Those kids of yours will grow up and love the shit out of you, man.
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appreciate the holding back encouragement. i tend to be adverse to the types that use their situation to relate to mine.

tbh that's a huge fissure in my own relationship -- i'll try to vent and she'll drop a story that sounds "worse" than mine and, well, i'm not competitive or trying to piss further with problems. just listen and if you have some advice that doesn't entail a problem you faced that's worse than the topic i'm positing, then i'll hear it. otherwise, just shut up and hear me out.

i'm a solutions type. if i have a problem my brain can't deal with internally, talking it through uninterrupted tends to yield a few options. i'm not looking for story time back and forth about this time when, just looking for a silent sounding board until asked for input. she just operates different. we're also about 60 IQ points different. i'm ridiculously intelligent, to the point of having mental health issues and learning issues due to it, and she's didn't pass high school because of damn near disability. comes back to the my previous post. she's got fantastic assets, if you know what i'm saying, and that's what attracted me (i'm still a man), but never intended on a life sentence to dealing with someone that can't read time nor follow a basic shopping list. she's perfect for someone, i'm just not that someone.

tbh, i'm not even in this relationship anymore. i've done my grieving and recovery. i know what i'm after. just need to play my CYA so I can move forward and give the kiddos all of me. bet whoever, or whomever, is next, won't meet them until I'm serious about them. they're not going to deal with instability with me. and that will ensure they love me when they're hateful teenagers and confused 20 somethings.
 
tobh said:
appreciate the holding back encouragement. i tend to be adverse to the types that use their situation to relate to mine.

tbh that's a huge fissure in my own relationship -- i'll try to vent and she'll drop a story that sounds "worse" than mine and, well, i'm not competitive or trying to piss further with problems. just listen and if you have some advice that doesn't entail a problem you faced that's worse than the topic i'm positing, then i'll hear it. otherwise, just shut up and hear me out.

i'm a solutions type. if i have a problem my brain can't deal with internally, talking it through uninterrupted tends to yield a few options. i'm not looking for story time back and forth about this time when, just looking for a silent sounding board until asked for input. she just operates different. we're also about 60 IQ points different. i'm ridiculously intelligent, to the point of having mental health issues and learning issues due to it, and she's didn't pass high school because of damn near disability. comes back to the my previous post. she's got fantastic assets, if you know what i'm saying, and that's what attracted me (i'm still a man), but never intended on a life sentence to dealing with someone that can't read time nor follow a basic shopping list. she's perfect for someone, i'm just not that someone.

tbh, i'm not even in this relationship anymore. i've done my grieving and recovery. i know what i'm after. just need to play my CYA so I can move forward and give the kiddos all of me. bet whoever, or whomever, is next, won't meet them until I'm serious about them. they're not going to deal with instability with me. and that will ensure they love me when they're hateful teenagers and confused 20 somethings.
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You're on the right track man. A positive outlook is about all you can have at this point, and it sounds like you're on the right track. Keeping the kids in the forefront of your mind is most important and that seems to be what you're doing.

Just hang in there bro. You're doing good.
 
tobh said:
tops from the plants being cloned for an unofficial trade. getting a riding lawn mower out of the deal, but the person giving me the mower doesn't know i'm the person that these clones will be coming from. gonna keep it that way.
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first time since college i've had a full rack of clones. we'll see if i can manage to not fuck this up.

the plants are looking good, they're chugging along. i have a mobile nutrient issue going on, a lot of the lower growth was yellow with brown spots, thinking it's likely a pH issue. just moving slow right now because i want the slabs heavily rooted before flipping to flower. as much as i want to drag it out till the end of october, i don't think the plants are going to support that, so i'll need to make up some concentrate and write out very clear, specific instructions for the lady to follow while i'm in nashville for the annual visit. unfortunately that's likely going to be during the first or second week of flower, so basically the time that a fuck up will make or break the grow.

all good otherwise. vpd is kinda fucky because i'm not keeping up with emptying the dehuey and temps are suffering as a result too. it is what it is, ya know! just another grow with all the issues we're used to battling.
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I think I'm only going to do my growing indoors during the cooler months from now on, humidity has been a real challenge this summer.
 
tobh said:
appreciate the holding back encouragement. i tend to be adverse to the types that use their situation to relate to mine.

tbh that's a huge fissure in my own relationship -- i'll try to vent and she'll drop a story that sounds "worse" than mine and, well, i'm not competitive or trying to piss further with problems. just listen and if you have some advice that doesn't entail a problem you faced that's worse than the topic i'm positing, then i'll hear it. otherwise, just shut up and hear me out.

i'm a solutions type. if i have a problem my brain can't deal with internally, talking it through uninterrupted tends to yield a few options. i'm not looking for story time back and forth about this time when, just looking for a silent sounding board until asked for input. she just operates different. we're also about 60 IQ points different. i'm ridiculously intelligent, to the point of having mental health issues and learning issues due to it, and she's didn't pass high school because of damn near disability. comes back to the my previous post. she's got fantastic assets, if you know what i'm saying, and that's what attracted me (i'm still a man), but never intended on a life sentence to dealing with someone that can't read time nor follow a basic shopping list. she's perfect for someone, i'm just not that someone.

tbh, i'm not even in this relationship anymore. i've done my grieving and recovery. i know what i'm after. just need to play my CYA so I can move forward and give the kiddos all of me. bet whoever, or whomever, is next, won't meet them until I'm serious about them. they're not going to deal with instability with me. and that will ensure they love me when they're hateful teenagers and confused 20 somethings.
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Sounds like you're looking for someone to walk beside you not behind.
 
tobh said:
breaking the cycle, even if it means angrily accepting a lot of things i don't tolerate from anyone else but his mother. i'm old school - word is bond and you do what you say you'll do. if you don't, fuck you, you have no room in my life. i've cut people off over insanely trivial shit, but this situation is all about damage control and ensuring my kids get plenty to eat, plenty
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I am the same way.
 
tobh said:
yeah, that's a good way of putting it. a partnership isn't one person dragging the other along through life, but two people working together towards a mutually beneficial outcome.
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I think of it more as someone that not only challenges you but also lifts you up and is aware of your needs as much as they are theirs. When both partners can complement each other by propping up their partners weaknesses with their strength it's tough to beat that kind of partnership.
 
tobh said:
appreciate the holding back encouragement. i tend to be adverse to the types that use their situation to relate to mine.

tbh that's a huge fissure in my own relationship -- i'll try to vent and she'll drop a story that sounds "worse" than mine and, well, i'm not competitive or trying to piss further with problems. just listen and if you have some advice that doesn't entail a problem you faced that's worse than the topic i'm positing, then i'll hear it. otherwise, just shut up and hear me out.

i'm a solutions type. if i have a problem my brain can't deal with internally, talking it through uninterrupted tends to yield a few options. i'm not looking for story time back and forth about this time when, just looking for a silent sounding board until asked for input. she just operates different. we're also about 60 IQ points different. i'm ridiculously intelligent, to the point of having mental health issues and learning issues due to it, and she's didn't pass high school because of damn near disability. comes back to the my previous post. she's got fantastic assets, if you know what i'm saying, and that's what attracted me (i'm still a man), but never intended on a life sentence to dealing with someone that can't read time nor follow a basic shopping list. she's perfect for someone, i'm just not that someone.

tbh, i'm not even in this relationship anymore. i've done my grieving and recovery. i know what i'm after. just need to play my CYA so I can move forward and give the kiddos all of me. bet whoever, or whomever, is next, won't meet them until I'm serious about them. they're not going to deal with instability with me. and that will ensure they love me when they're hateful teenagers and confused 20 somethings.
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Man the intelligence difference too is aggravating ..
 
Moe.Red said:
Man this thread is deep.

I'd be a very different person if I did not have a partner. I feel fortunate.

Can't imagine how frustrating that must be.

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yeah, i kinda went off the deep end with the personal shit, but figure it's all part of what forums like this are for. having a broader perspective of who a person is can glean indescribable details about the hows and whys a grow is ran the way it is.

plus, i have like zero social life outside of this forum, so y'all get to deal with my random bitching and moaning lol
 
tobh said:
yeah, i kinda went off the deep end with the personal shit, but figure it's all part of what forums like this are for. having a broader perspective of who a person is can glean indescribable details about the hows and whys a grow is ran the way it is.

plus, i have like zero social life outside of this forum, so y'all get to deal with my random bitching and moaning lol
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I appreciate the personal touch. I've gotten to where there's a few here that I really enjoy and would consider a friend.

Sometimes a fucker needs to vent, too.
 
tobh said:
yeah, i kinda went off the deep end with the personal shit, but figure it's all part of what forums like this are for. having a broader perspective of who a person is can glean indescribable details about the hows and whys a grow is ran the way it is.

plus, i have like zero social life outside of this forum, so y'all get to deal with my random bitching and moaning lol
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Haha true


I ain't got no one else in real life besides my mom dad, my daughter, and her mom.
 
Baby pretty much broke our relationship and came between us, I did some things in poor response to actions.

But we trying to Atleast be good role models, be there for her, and try to make things work and be better people for our selfs and each other.

And for baby.

Break the cycle.

Man I can't wait to trip again it's time for a reset.
 
tobh said:
FINALLY got around to ordering some clip fans. Not interested in spending $35+ on something I'll be replacing again in six to twelve months, i found these guys


will let y'all know how they hold up. i'll be cutting all the grilles off because they're not necessary (just watch your hands/ears -- those blades will get ya). still need one more 12" to live under the canopy but that can wait till the girls are bigger.
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hows that fan workin, i put it in cart, want it to blow air around the top part of the canopy in the 2x4, now that they are way passed the tower fan height.
 
Observer said:
hows that fan workin, i put it in cart, want it to blow air around the top part of the canopy in the 2x4, now that they are way passed the tower fan height.
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a couple of em are making the leaves dance. they don't move fuckall for air but enough to work for now. i'm sure they'd be fine in a 2x4
 
Observer said:
Got one of those for the bottom in the 5x5

Starting to fck off about two years now but not entirely its fault, some hair and stuff got in the spindle

But it's runnin
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I love 'em. Best fans I've used so far. If you open it up you can clean it real good and it'll run forever practically. I've already sourced the motor part from a local electronics store so if the motor dies I can replace it but they're so cheap why bother? When I got mine opened up I took an exacto knife and cut all the hair off the motor axle.
 
Rootsruler said:
I love 'em. Best fans I've used so far. If you open it up you can clean it real good and it'll run forever practically. I've already sourced the motor part from a local electronics store so if the motor dies I can replace it but they're so cheap why bother? When I got mine opened up I took an exacto knife and cut all the hair off the motor axle.
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Sweet, I run em with the covers, and I'll try that with the razer and clean it out good


And that's cool I should check out an electronics store around and see if I can get my old blurple led fixed.


Thanks man
 
Still chugging along. They're ready to go, just waiting on finding out the work situation. Also have a pH issue, so if I can find the energy, I'll be scrubbing the res and running a full res through the media to reset it, then resume the normal schedule.

I'll be hitting them with a pk boost a week before flip, and doing a heavy defoliation. Need to get the netting in and stretched but I want to wait till after the first defoliation so I can set the first layer level with the growth tips.

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